Top Quotes
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#986 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-09-01 00:47 GMT
<Olipro> you know, the other day
<Olipro> I came across a keyboard, and someone had changed all the letters for offensive words
<Olipro> and they'd actually gone round the room
<Olipro> nicking keys from other computers
<TheoB> haha
<Olipro> just for that single one
<Olipro> sort of thing you expect from a school
<TheoB> indeed
<Codeine> that's great
<Olipro> the keys are:
<Olipro> WANKERCUNT
<Olipro> FUCKSHITS
<Olipro> CUNTYMINTS
<Olipro> (they'd replaced the punctuation for the bottom line)
<Codeine> lol, "cuntymints"
<Olipro> I think cuntymints is pretty funny
<Olipro> heh, yeah
<Codeine> Let's start saying that
<Codeine> see if we can introduce it to the English language
<Olipro> introducting; Fresh, New, Cuntymints! -
#1043 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-08-29 15:05 GMT
<Codeine> "Your presence reminds one of a blind jackal, eternally dependent upon misguided archbishops to provide instruction in bowling."
<Kalir> Jackals can't bowl.
<Codeine> That's why they need instruction.
<Codeine> Duh.
<Kalir> Archbishops can't bowl either.
<Codeine> Yeah, but the jackals don't know that.Notes: Yay non-sequiturs.
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#800 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-08-29 15:05 GMT
-> ayeroxor has joined uncyclopedia
<rcmurphy> Hey ayeroxor.
<rcmurphy> Want to be Noob of the Month?
<Tompkins> heh
<ayeroxor> heh, um, hmm...
<ayeroxor> if you can tell me why uncyclopedia thinks it's March 19th
<ayeroxor> (via the {{currentday}} function)
<Tompkins> BECAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT!
<ayeroxor> I thought it might be that
<rcmurphy> Tompkins, is that also why VFP got so bad?
<rcmurphy> Because ayeroxor touches himself at night?
<Tompkins> Indeed
<rcmurphy> Thanks a lot, ayeroxor.
<Tompkins> It all points to you ayeroxor
<ayeroxor> damn, these things really do have far-reaching repercussions.
<ayeroxor> sorry guys -
#447 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-08-29 15:05 GMT
rcmurphy: Last week this girl knocked on my door...
rcmurphy: And she was like, "Are you ___?"
rcmurphy: And I said no.
rcmurphy: And she was like, "Ok. Want to see my turtles?"
rcmurphy: And she had like five little turtles in a cardboard box.
...
Zombiebaron: rc, so did you and her get it on?
...
rcmurphy: If by "get it on" you mean "look at her turtles"...
rcmurphy: And if by "turtles" I mean the animal and not some kind of weird sexual euphemism...
rcmurphy: Then yes, we got it on.
Zombiebaron: word
Zombiebaron: thats awesome
Zombiebaron: jigga shit -
#553 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-08-29 15:05 GMT
* Gostie has joined #uncyclopedia
<Codeine> Heh.
<Codeine> I always do a double take when Gostie comes in
<Gostie> I have that effect on people
<Codeine> "* Goatse has joined #uncyclopedia"
<Codeine> "oh phew, it says Gostie"
...
<Suresh> Codeine: Screw you - you made me Google on Goatse!
<Suresh> Yick!
<Codeine> but... why?
<Codeine> surely you knew?
<Suresh> Now I gotta write something about the ancient wisdom of Goa Tse to cleanse my mind
<Suresh> Codeine: Knew what? The way to the Golden Gutters of Red Light Web Harbor District?
<Codeine> Suresh: You didn't know what Goatse was? Really?
<Codeine> Ouch.
<Codeine> Oh well, no going back now
* Suresh sobs
<Suresh> I had purified my mind for 6 reincarnations...
<Suresh> all undone now...
<Gostie> my karma hurts since I was indirectly responsible for thatNotes: And another one of the last few remaining "Goatse Virgins" falls to the Dark Side.
- C -
#2983 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-08-12 23:14 GMT
* god has joined #uncyclopedia
<Mitch_1_2> Oh God...
<god> hi this is god
<Finntastic> it's this again.
<Codeine> It's God! And he's on CGI!
<Finntastic> it's a 9-year-old girl.
* Codeine is now known as RichardDawkins
<RichardDawkins> FU GOD
* god has quit IRC (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer)
<RichardDawkins> haha! It worked!
<RichardDawkins> ATHEISM FTW -
#1082 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-08-12 23:14 GMT
<Codeine> I never understood that as a kind of abuse: "Yeah? Well I fucked your mum!"
<Codeine> I'm thinking: "Really? She's 65, dude"
<Codeine> Good for mum, I say
<Codeine> not so good for you I reckon
<HardwickFundlebu> My Dad says it all the time.
<JackMort> haha yeah, someone said to me, yeah i fucked your mum! and i said 'gutted'
<Cheer_Bear> what a conversation to come in on...
<Codeine> lol@hardwick
<diMario> Yes, or take my case: she was cremated. So what pleasure does one take from copulating with an ash-filled urn ?
<JackMort> i reckon i could fuck an urn -
#580 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-08-29 11:13 GMT
<AcidAmmo> Wow. Kid_Azeri and Singaporekid are like enemies
<rcmurphy> The Azeris and Singaporites have a long history of enmity.
<Singaporekid> :o
<rcmurphy> Their IRC Wars are legendary.
* Kid_Azeri pokes Singaporekid
* Singaporekid dies
* Kid_Azeri wins
<rcmurphy> The wars have gotten milder over time. -
#571 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-02-20 07:59 GMT
<Tompkins> oh shit..
<Tompkins> I just coughed up blood..
<Tompkins> I think that means I should stop coughing
<JackMort> doctor!
<Curious_Brad> Tomp
<Codeine> Tompkins: Don't worry, you probably just ruptured a capilliary in your throat
<Curious_Brad> go to the freaking hospital
<Codeine> if you've been coughing a lot
<Curious_Brad> tell them you have Tuberculosis
<Curious_Brad> and would like to see a doctor soon
<Tompkins> no, codeine's right, it's probably just a capillary or whatever
*** anidnmeno is now known as AAAAAAAAA.
<Codeine> Well, wait 5 minutes or so
<Mhaille> and if ur still alive....
<Codeine> and if it keeps bleeding or you collapse or something
<Sponty> then take a cough dropNotes: medical advice at the IRC - Bradaphraser
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#37 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-08-12 23:15 GMT
<rcmurphy> Hello.
<rcmurphy> Is there anybody out there? (out there out there)
<rcmurphy> Just nod if you can hear me.
<rcmurphy> Is there anyone home?
<Bob3> Relax
-> Codeine has joined uncyclopedia
<rcmurphy> It's just a little pinprick.
<Codeine> Oh charming
<Codeine> that's a nice way to greet me -
#555 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-02-20 07:58 GMT
[16:46] Bradaphraser: vote TOMPKINS!
[16:46] Olathe: For mayor ?
[16:46] Bradaphraser: he's actually up for an award this month
[16:47] Olathe: Vote Tompkins, progress is his middle name.
[16:47] Bradaphraser: but sure, we can vote him Uncyclopedia Mayor
[16:47] Bradaphraser: What's his first name?
[16:47] Olathe: I'm not sure.
[16:47] Tompkins: tompkins
[16:47] Olathe: Oh.
[16:47] Bradaphraser: so you're Tompkins Progress Tompkins?
[16:47] Olathe: tompkins progress somethingorother
[16:47] Tompkins: it's Tompkins Progress Nazi-Man
[16:47] Olathe: Oh.
[16:47] Bradaphraser: heh
[16:47] Bradaphraser: that doesn't sound very voter-friendly
[16:47] Tompkins: meh
[16:48] Bradaphraser: you might want to change your last name
[16:48] Tompkins: that's why I go by Tompkins -
#2430 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-02-20 07:58 GMT
<Lugiatm> carp wikify Meaghan
<stupcarp> Wikified link: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Meaghanuk
<Lugiatm> carp wikify Meaghan
<stupcarp> Wikified link: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Meaghanuk
<mudkipsV> haahahasdzz
<Lugiatm> >_>
<AAA^> carp wikify suicide
(nothing happens)
<mudkipsV> carp is pro life -
#239 Up↑ Down↓ [Report] 2010-02-20 07:58 GMT
<rcmurphy> One of the kids at my preschool put a baby in a toy microwave today to cook it.
<rcmurphy> Should I be worried?
<Bradaphraser> nah
<rcmurphy> Err, a baby /doll/, that is.
<Bradaphraser> that's perfectly normal
* Hinoa agrees with Brad
<Algorithm> heh
<Bradaphraser> as it is when they pull the limbs off Barbie
<Bradaphraser> drawing and quartering her
<Bradaphraser> these are healthy expressions of youth
<Algorithm> I almost had a full line about how you shouldn't microwave babies since the heat won't be evenly distributed
<Bradaphraser> not unlike fragging a n00b in Doom3
<Bradaphraser> heh heh
<anidnmeno> rcmurphy: yes, worry
<anidnmeno> rcmurphy: they might not leave the baby in for long enough
<rcmurphy> I wouldn't worry about that.
<Algorithm> if you really want to cook a baby you need a large oven.
<rcmurphy> He seemed pretty adamant that he wanted the baby gone.